What’s In the Relational ‘Soil’ of an Attractional Church?
I know two young-adult girls who grew up in a rich and layered faith-ecosystem—diving into a wide variety of activities at church and fully invested in authentic, ongoing faith practices and conversations at home. They pursued depth in their relationship with Jesus, and treated their relationship with Him as the center of their life. And yet, as they took their first steps into adulthood, exploring the church landscape on their own, away from their parents, they grew disillusioned. They were passionate about Jesus and committed to living in the way of Jesus, but often disappointed by their experience in church and by the extremist rhetoric of those who say they represent the church. Their faith remained strong, but their connection to church eroded into fragility…
If you hadn’t already suspected, these two girls are my own daughters. They, like so many of their peers, are hungry for an authentic relationship with God but doubtful the church can be more help than hindrance in that pursuit. They have nevertheless persevered as church-attending believers—though many of their friends have not. Respected religious researcher Dr. Ryan Burge, a professor of political science at Eastern Illinois University, says that three decades ago the “Nones” (those who claim no religious affiliation) represented just 5 percent of the country. “But today,” he says, “they’re 28 percent—they’re reshaping everything in America.” And the generational cohorts that are driving that trend are teenagers and young adults.
So, if we compare the “growth environment” of a church to garden soil, we’d have to say that whatever’s in our soil is not helping young people to grow and thrive. We need a plan to enrich that soil so that it’s more conducive to growth.
A few years ago Dr. Halee Scott, director of a ministry research project that targeted the underlying longings of disaffiliated and disaffected young adults, asked me to lead a closing online session with a cohort of Denver-area church leaders. Prior to this training experience, Dr. Scott had curated her research team’s insights into 10 “attractional priorities” for churches trying to stem the outflow of young people from the church. Her list formed the backbone of my training time, and captures (with clarity) the opportunities in front of us. So let’s treat Dr. Scott’s list of attractional priorities as “soil additives” that promote thriving…
- Remember My Name – Some of us are good at remembering names and some of us are not—why are names such a big deal to young people? Well, a name is far more than a label. It’s the surface foundation of our identity—a marker for who we are, and how people experience us. That’s why knowing the names of young adults in our congregation and community is a deeper issue than we think. It’s not just the surface truth of it—there’s a deeper connection. There is meaning and purpose loaded into the names we embrace in life. That’s why the name of Jesus is inextricably tied to His mission, and why He sometimes simply re-named people (Simon to Peter, for example) to align them with their purpose.
- Understand Me – For the first time in American history, the U.S. Surgeon General has labeled loneliness as a public-health emergency—an epidemic. That means the young people who do remain in our church sanctuaries are struggling at a fundamental level—to be seen, enjoyed, and released into their deeper purpose in life. That’s what the power of a connected and engaged community can do—we can mirror back “I see you, I care for you, and I value you,” over and over. And we can commit to a posture of curiosity over judgement as we pursue relationships with young people.
- Make Room for Me – For so many young adults, full participation in the church feels like lip service, not a practical reality. Longstanding church boards and project teams are filled with up-gen leaders. Events and formation offerings that are targeted for young adults are few and far-between. And the patterns and structures of faith-growth experiences (including sermons) are monologue, not dialogue. Making room for young adults means valuing their voices in tangible ways. If we’re planning things in the church and there are not young people in the room, they have no incentive to stay.
- Stay With Me – Perseverance in the relationship is a necessity for in-now, out-now young adults who are wrestling over their church participation. And the weight of perseverance falls on church leaders more than the young adults who sometimes show up and sometimes don’t. My favorite metaphor for one-sided perseverance in a relationship is embedded in the film The Horse Whisperer. In it a cowboy named Tom Booker (played by Robert Redford), renowned for his ability to rehabilitate damaged horses, is starting his work with a horse named Pilgrim, who was severely injured by a lumber truck. Pilgrim has recovered physically, but un-rideable because his soul and spirit are so wounded. As Booker works with him, the horse knocks him down and bolts into a wide Montana pasture. The cowboy wordlessly follows the horse into the pasture, where he kneels in the long grass and waits—the whole day and into twilight, staring gently at the horse. As darkness creeps in, the horse is convinced. He slowly ambles toward Tom, finally allowing him to stroke his nose and walk him back to the ranch.
- Be Present to Me – When Jesus said, “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher” (Matthew 23:8), He was referencing the immersive way rabbis infected the growth and maturity of their students. Once “yoked” to a rabbi, the young man would then morph into his shadow. The rabbi became the air he breathed. The goal was to “taste and see” (or “know by experience”) the rabbi’s heart. Our Rabbi’s infectious presence is what changes us… And the same is true in ministry—it’s our engaged and passionate presence that matters in the lives of our people.
- Be Real With Me – Think about a person who has deeply influenced your life—what is transformational about that person’s presence in your life? How did they mirror back to you something true about yourself? My guess is that they lived out their authentic self with you in a way that invited your authentic self to come out and play.
- Tell Me the Truth – The top-priority value among young adults and teenagers is “authenticity.” They are assaulted by performance—surrounded by sales pitches—in every aspect of their life. Social media is a performance-driven ecosystem. Outlets that purport to be sources of truth are all under suspicion. All of this has created a driving hunger for the truth in them. We can’t simply deliver the truth, they need to see us living that truth and engaging in conversation about that truth. And a good start is to tell the truth about our own story—the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
- Teach Me – Teaching is, truly, a relational process. As we help people relationally immerse themselves in Jesus—or “abide and remain” in Him—it kicks off a progression that is transformational. As we are transformed, we naturally “infect” others with that transformation, and they in turn infect others. In everyday life, accompaniment is a “downstream” process. And young people need help from guides who will model and explain what it looks like to abide and remain in Jesus. People get “saturated” by whatever is in our “water.” And the best teaching helps them find Jesus, and find themselves, in the mirror of our presence.
- Trust Me – In your growth environments, do you invite young people to do most of the talking? Are they primarily responsible for digging and discovering truths, with the teacher/leader as a guide in that process, not the “chief digger”? Would you say you often go deep and “get real” in the topics or truths you’re pursuing together?
- Help Me to Do Something – Young people love to be gifted with experiences more than a menu of tangibles. And that little insight is the portal to something much broader—they long to be involved in their pursuit of God experientially, not rhetorically. They want opportunities to act as partners in God’s heart for justice in the world. To actually care for the poor and the marginalized and the outcast. When we help them do something as an expression and extension of their faith, we cement its importance in their life.
For two decades I’ve been telling ministry leaders that the most powerful tool in their toolbox is their own presence. Reverse engineer from this and you get this truth—to the extent others are invited into a transformational environment through our leadership, it will happen through the conduit of relationship, through which our presence can flow.
- That means our presence, not our ideas, is the lever that opens people to transformational moments…
- And it’s our presence as a truthful mirror in their lives that helps edge them closer to their God-given identity…
- And when they more and more step into that identity, they also (naturally) pursue their purpose and find their deepest relational meaning in their church experience…
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Register for Our Next Online MasterClass
Faith Formation Simplified: Guiding People Into Spiritual Depth
Wednesdays, October 9 & 16 | Noon – 1 p.m. EST
Instructor: Dr. Gary David Stratton
Instructor: Dr. Gary David Stratton
In this course we’ll use what iconic climber George Mallory learned about summiting Mt. Everest as a parable that can help us embrace how Jesus trained his first students, and how we can do the same with the people we serve. The lack of Christlikeness in contemporary Christianity stems from our inability to imagine the impossible heights to which Jesus calls us―becoming the kind of person who can love God and neighbor with everything within us. Drawing upon the teachings and example of Jesus and insights from the lives of some of history’s greatest spiritual climbers, we’ll map out eight “expedition camps” through which Jesus guides every person seeking to become a disciple.
Watch a short Introductory video from Dr. Stratton HERE.
And register HERE.
Help Is On the Way!
Fall is on our doorstep, and we innovative, practical resources that will help you infuse your ministry environment with “rich soil” for transformation. Releasing TODAY is our newest resource—The Sacred Stories Project. This multi-media resource offers your people a simple, safe, and “normal” way to share aspects of their story in natural, genuine ways. And you get a more connected, honest, and “known” congregation. It’s four guided sessions with accompanying video segments from Adam Young, trauma counselor and host of the podcast The Place We Find Ourselves.
And check out our new resource Listening to Jesus Together. It’s a set of six carefully crafted “listening encounters” designed for three people to experience together—online or in-person. The goal is to give people in your congregation a weekly “reminder habit” to help them listen to Jesus in the context of a short-term small-community experience.
Next, Following Jesus is a curriculum resource you can use with both adults and teenagers in your church this fall—help them explore what an ABIDING/REMAINING relationship with Jesus is like. It’s an experiential, highly interactive, co-discovery way to invite people into deeper intimacy with Jesus.
And The Life of Jesus TalkCards is a simple, devotional way to invite small groups into the heart of Jesus.
Rick Lawrence is Executive Director of Vibrant Faith—he created the new curriculum Following Jesus. He’s editor of the Jesus-Centered Bible and author of 40 books, including his new release Editing Jesus: Confronting the Distorted Faith of the American Church, The Suicide Solution, The Jesus-Centered Life and Jesus-Centered Daily. He hosts the podcast Paying Ridiculous Attention to Jesus.
Save your seat for… Faith Formation Simplified, taught by Dr. Gary David Stratton. Drawing upon the teachings and example of Jesus and insights from the lives of some of history’s greatest spiritual climbers, we’ll map out eight “expedition camps” through which Jesus guides every person seeking to become a disciple. Hurry, registration for this course closes soon! Learn More Here
