This week the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, did something extraordinary—his office released a public health warning in response to a marked increase in parental stress. Almost half of all parents (48%) say “that most days their stress is completely overwhelming,” compared to just a quarter (26%) of other adults. And four out of 10 (41%) say that “most days they are so stressed they cannot function.” Titled “Parents Under Pressure,” the 35-page advisory spotlights a toxic stew of stressors that make child-rearing more and more challenging, including:
- Financial strain, economic instability, and poverty
- Time demands
- Children’s health
- Children’s safety
- Parental isolation and loneliness
- Technology and social media
- Cultural pressures and children’s futures
In the report, Murthy highlights the spiritual underpinnings of parenting: “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” And in a guest essay for The New York Times, he says: “The stress and mental health challenges faced by parents—just like loneliness, workplace well-being, and the impact of social media on youth mental health—aren’t always visible, but they can take a steep toll. It’s time to recognize they constitute a serious public health concern for our country. Parents who feel pushed to the brink deserve more than platitudes. They need tangible support.”
Like so many other cultural practices and values in our fragmented and dispersed post-pandemic society, parenting is not defined by commonly-accepted norms. Happy, successful children are still the goal, but the target-markers for success are either ill-considered (financial and career success as a substitute for God-given purpose) or almost impossible to reach (top academic rankings and scholarship offers from elite schools). The result—shame and guilt swirl around overworked, overwhelmed parents who never know if they’re doing a good job, and are often isolated and disconnected from other parents. Murthy says: “In my conversations with parents and caregivers across America, I have found guilt and shame have become pervasive, often leading them to hide their struggles, which perpetuates a vicious cycle where stress leads to guilt which leads to more stress.”
Meanwhile, as parents try to navigate confusing expectations and financial pressures that ramp-up the stress at work, the Surgeon General’s report reveals that the time spent on primary childcare has increased by 40% among mothers (from 8.4 hours in 1985 to 11.8 hours in 2022) and by 154% among fathers (from 2.6 hours in 1985 to 6.6 hours in 2022). No wonder it feels like a feat of strength when parents show up with their kids on Sunday—the week leading up to your worship service has squeezed the life out of them…
As ministry leaders, maybe the best thing we can do to offer parents hope and support is to find creative, sustainable ways for them to connect with each other in life-giving community. The report references a 2021 study that found two-thirds of parents and guardians (65%), and three-quarters of single parents (77%) experienced loneliness, compared to half of non-parents (55%). And in our own work for our 4th-Soil Parenting Project (a Lilly-supported four-year collaboration with 19 churches across the country), we’ve seen the powerful impact of simple connecting opportunities among parents. For more on that, check out Dr. Nancy Going’s latest biweekly blog “What We’re Learning”—just click HERE.
In His parable of the sheep and goats in Matthew 25, Jesus underscores His heart for “the least of these”—a description that today’s under-duress parents certainly match: “I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.” It’s our calling, and our joyful purpose, to join Jesus in His “Good Shepherd” work—let’s find new ways to serve the people who are “Jesus in disguise,” the needy parents in our communities.
Help Is On the Way!
Fall is fast approaching, and we innovative, practical resources that will help you infuse your ministry environment with “rich soil” for transformation. First up, our just-released new resource Listening to Jesus Together. It’s a set of six carefully crafted “listening encounters” designed for three people to experience together—online or in-person. The goal is to give people in your congregation a weekly “reminder habit” to help them listen to Jesus in the context of a short-term small-community experience. Next, Following Jesus is a curriculum resource you can use with both adults and teenagers in your church this fall—help them explore what an ABIDING/REMAINING relationship with Jesus is like. It’s an experiential, highly interactive, co-discovery way to invite people into deeper intimacy with Jesus. And The Life of Jesus TalkCards is a simple, devotional way to invite small groups into the heart of Jesus.
Meanwhile, our first MasterClass of the Fall launches next week! Join us for “Reinvigorating Family Life In Your Congregation,” taught by Vibrant Faith Coach Denise Utter. Session 1 is Wednesday, September 4 and Session 2 is Wednesday, September 11. We all know the challenges that pastors, ministry leaders, and parents face today are unique and new to all of us. We are in a new age of learning how to equip and empower parents to be spiritual guides for their children. Denise Utter has pursued her vocation in the fields of education and ministry for the last 30 years, and has focused her energy on coaching individuals, teams, cohorts, and congregations in leadership trainings. She’ll share what she’s learned and encourage you in your journey. Register HERE.
And don’t forget to register for our FREE September webinar “Don’t Start With Why,” led by Dr. Kenda Dean, Professor of Youth, Church, and Culture at Princeton Theological Seminary and the author of Almost Christian and many other books. Kenda will guide you through an approach to Christian ministry that is both surprising and affirming at the same time. Despite the popularity of Simon Sinek’s “start with ‘why’” strategy, Kenda’s approach focuses more on what we feel than what we think. And that model for a compassion-driven, grace-drenched version of humanity is Jesus. We are not called to build better churches. We are called to be better humans who reflect God’s love. Join us on Thursday, September 19th, 2022 from 4-5 p.m. EST. Register HERE.
Rick Lawrence is Executive Director of Vibrant Faith—he created the new curriculum Following Jesus. He’s editor of the Jesus-Centered Bible and author of 40 books, including his new release Editing Jesus: Confronting the Distorted Faith of the American Church, The Suicide Solution, The Jesus-Centered Life and Jesus-Centered Daily. He hosts the podcast Paying Ridiculous Attention to Jesus.
Listening to Jesus Together is a set of six carefully crafted “listening encounters” designed for three people to experience together. The goal is to give people in your congregation a weekly “reminder habit” to help them listen to Jesus in the context of a short-term small-community experience… Learn More Here
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