I know… it’s a provocative title for this piece. Let me explain…
Years ago I gave my wife, Bev, an eyebrow-raising birthday gift. I secretly paid the registration fee for something our health club calls “Booty Camp,” then surprised her with it. Booty Camp is a female-only, military-style morning workout led by a former Army drill instructor. Three days a week, for five weeks, I “gifted” Bev with a hellish workout—presided over by a blustering master sergeant in full camo screaming at her to keep up, or else…
And she was delighted by the gift.
Bev is a fitness/nutrition geek and Booty Camp represented a tipping-point challenge to her. But after the first couple of 90-minute workouts, her delight had melted into tears. She wanted to get our money back, because she was pretty sure she was going to die if she stuck with it. Bev has a autoimmune lung disease called Sarcoid, and while you’d never guess it, she has a diminished lung capacity. I’d encouraged her to nottell the drill instructor about this, because it would be hard for him to treat her like everyone else if he knew. The physical challenge was daunting—they “warmed up” by running three miles, mostly uphill. But the psychological challenge was harder. The voices of “you can’t” were a lot louder than the still, small voice of “you can.”
In the spirit of her drill instructor, I responded to her angst with grit instead of sympathy. I thought about how other women have to rise to the challenge of their own personal boot camp, and how I could love Bev by holding to those broader expectations for “other people.” You’re way ahead of me here… That approach backfired.
My approach was disastrous, not simply because my strategy to strengthen her resolve was misplaced. There was a deeper “miss” in my approach that has a direct connection to the way we approach our ministry relationships. We’re not called to love people—we’re called to study, understand, and love individuals.
I’ve been studying human behavior and crafting ways to spiritually deepen people for 40 years. I know a lot about what motivates people. But we don’t bring catalytic influence into our relationships by treating people like people—I mean, like a “general category.” We impact others when we engage them the way Jesus upended every person he ever met—with focused, hyper-observant, and courageous pursuit. His interaction with the Samaritan “woman at the well” in John 4 is a quintessential example—the artful, bold, and risk-taking way he engages this outcast woman unlocks her, offering her a path out of the dark alley of her circumstances.
When we move toward others with a mindset that each one is a rare, never-before-seen “eighth wonder of the world,” we get a little taste of the catalytic way Jesus changed lives. In my 2012 book Shrewd I explored three everyday disciplines that feed our intentional pursuit of individuals—they reflect the “pursuit alchemy” characterized by Jesus, a strategy that morphs to the unicorn-individual in front of you:
- Ask one more question. We are not in the habit of asking individuals good questions about their story. We settle for pat answers, and leave obvious clues to what thwarts and motivates them un-pursued. So practice a life-changing habit I’ve referenced often: Always ask individuals one more question than you’d typically feel comfortable asking.
- Think like Sherlock Holmes. The iconic detective had no supernatural ability to solve crimes—the miracle of his renown was his incredible attention to detail. He noticed more than anybody else, so he could infer better than anybody else. We unlock people when we pay better attention to them than anyone else.
- Pursue with persistence. Engaging people well is blue-collar work—I mean, hard-nosed persistence is 80 percent of our success. Simply, don’t give up. No matter what. Those who persist the most, influence the most.
By the way, Bev stuck it out for all five weeks of Booty Camp. She never missed a day, and she held out until the fourth week before she decided to tell her drill instructor about her lung disease. At the end of the camp, the leaders voted her “most motivated” and gave her a prize. And, of course, I changed the way I interacted with her about this challenge. I dropped back to study her better, and responded to the nuances of her journey with more sensitivity and courage-building interactions. I de-categorized her. And that made all the difference…
Just for You!
My new book Editing Jesus is now out. Just click on this link and you can download a pdf of a long excerpt from the book.
Help Is Here!
Fall is here, and Advent isn’t far behind… Check out our innovative, practical resources for help infusing your ministry environment with “rich soil” for transformation. Advent TalkCards, for example. It’s 25 predesigned, ready-to-use cards—you can gift them to members of your church, use in small groups and formation classes, or share to social media. And our newest resource is The Sacred Stories Project. This multi-media resource offers your people a simple, safe, and “normal” way to share aspects of their story in natural, genuine ways. And you get a more connected, honest, and “known” congregation. It’s four guided sessions with accompanying video segments from Adam Young, trauma counselor and host of the podcast The Place We Find Ourselves.
And check out our new resource Listening to Jesus Together. It’s a set of six carefully crafted “listening encounters” designed for three people to experience together—online or in-person. The goal is to give people in your congregation a weekly “reminder habit” to help them listen to Jesus in the context of a short-term small-community experience.
Next, Following Jesus is a curriculum resource you can use with both adults and teenagers in your church this fall—help them explore what an ABIDING/REMAINING relationship with Jesus is like. It’s an experiential, highly interactive, co-discovery way to invite people into deeper intimacy with Jesus.
And The Life of Jesus TalkCards is a simple, devotional way to invite small groups into the heart of Jesus.
Rick Lawrence is Executive Director of Vibrant Faith—he created the new curriculum Following Jesus. He’s editor of the Jesus-Centered Bible and author of 40 books, including his new release Editing Jesus: Confronting the Distorted Faith of the American Church, The Suicide Solution, The Jesus-Centered Life and Jesus-Centered Daily. He hosts the podcast Paying Ridiculous Attention to Jesus.
Save your seat for… Home-Centered, Church-Supported Formation Strategies, taught by Dr. Nancy Going. The parents who are part of Vibrant Faith’s 4th-Soil Parenting project are using innovative tools and strategies to explore their own spiritual lives, then learn to better influence their kids toward spiritual growth. Learn what we’re learning about the church’s role in supporting home-centered faith formation. Learn More Here